As a freshman in high school I went through confirmation class. We discussed the Trinity (Jesus as Father, Son and Holy Spirit), Church and Faith. I believed in all of that. I guess I should say I believe in all of that. It is true. I believe in all of it. My faith is just currently wavering. Have you ever wondered why a great number of people get injured and/or die at once? Plane crashes, Train crashes, war and September 11th made me wonder. My grandmother's death made me question why God took her from me and it had me wondering. My Faith wavered. I heard people say it was "their time", "they are in a better place" or the one I use to calm myself "they are better off in Heaven with God than on Earth". Oh....How do you keep the Faith?
I tell myself often I have faith. I am able to get into a car and drive after being in several accidents. I can get on an airplane (with prescription drugs and alcohol) and land safely without me doing anything and having no control over what happens. I have the belief I will make it to my destination safely and I do...my Faith gets me there. I have Faith in my husband. I know he will be able to find a better job. I believe he is a great man and I have Faith that as long as he loves me, we will make it through anything. I have Faith he will give me the world and more when he can.
I have Faith that God, the Bible and Jesus are real. My Faith in that does waver. I have Faith that I will go to Heaven, although I am petrified to die. God forgives and my Faith does not waver in that. I have Faith when I have children I will be a good mother and my husband will be a good father. My Faith does not waver in that. So why does my Faith waver when it comes to my employment? I am struggling to find a job and I don't know why. I feel let down and depressed more and more and I find parts of my Faith slowly running away when it comes to me and being unemployed. I am restless. God knows what will happen and I don't. He knows when I will get a job, where it will be and for how long. God knows my future and I don't. I have no control over my life and I question that. If God told me it would be alright would I believe him and keep the Faith? Right now, probably not since I am struggling with keeping my Faith it will all work out in the end and be alright!
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