CloudHQ

If you need a good way to save your Gmail emails to Google Drive then use cloudHQ. They are an add on that you use for Google Chrome. I needed to save my emails from Gmail and I was glad that I found this. You would think it would be easier, and with cloudHQ it was. I was able to leave it working in the background while I could still email, and do all of the work I needed. I received an email when it was complete and one letting me know the options in case I wanted to upgrade. They had me sign in again for my privacy and I was thoroughly impressed. I went to their website and I was also able to see other add ons that they have and there are a lot. If you are looking for a way to save your emails from gmail and make sure you have a way to back them up, go with cloudHQ for free. They can place the emails in one PDF or they can place the emails in multiple PDFs. For this occasion, I used multiple PDFs because I have over 200 emails I need to back up. The drawback is you are limited to how many emails can be converted per month. The positive in that is the fact that they give you different opportunities to gain more ways to convert over emails and go over the free monthly limit that is given to you. This post is not spam. I am posting this on my own free will and in exchange I will be able to convert over more Gmail emails to PDFs for free than the monthly limit allows. I also posted on my Twitter and my LinkedIn because I do need all of the help I can get. You can always pay to upgrade for this option, which is not a huge amount, but I am always a fan of free.
https://www.cloudhq.net/g_suite

Silence No More

I've been silenced. I've been told to not say what I feel, not feel what I do, sit down, be quiet...I've been told to not be me. I'm told I am loud - I know that. I have been told I'm too real - too honest and straight to the point. See, the world for me is different.I am a black female. I guess some of you knew that but my voice doesn't fit the black female stereotype for you. I have an education, a degree. I am a single mom. I don't live on the system. Obamacare or the Affordable Health care Act DID help me when I needed it. I work hard to get what I have. No matter who I know, it doesn't help. Neither does affirmative action as you'd like to think it does. In this country, I am seen as property. Property of a man, property of a person, property but not a person.  People don't see me as an equal. Equality is so far off that I probably won't see it in my lifetime. I am raising a black son. Society is teaching him he is not worth a thing and neither is his life. Society is trying to tell me I am not worth anything and neither is my life. I know society is wrong. Without me, my past, my struggles, my family and their sacrifice this country would not be where it is. This isn't racism on both sides. This is the one side that always tried to be superior trying to show muscle and I'm going to go down fighting. I'm a black female raising a black son. I'm loud and to the point. I don't sugarcoat. I'm me and I'm not changing. I refuse to be silenced.

Being Different or as I like to say Unique

I haven't posted in almost 2 years and now I post twice in 1 night. Well, I have a lot to say and I just don't say it all.
So I read this article a friend of mine posted about a guy who asked his friends to explain white privilege to him. I started thinking to myself, what if one of my friends asked me. What would I say?
Well, here is my story about what it was like to be different/unique or black while most people are white.
I was 5 years old and on the bus to school for Kindergarten. The bus had K-6th grade at the time. I sometimes was the only black person on the bus and sometimes there was a boy named Jay Night. Well this day Jay was not on the bus, it was just me. This older boy, a 6th grader called me a nigger. I didn't do anything. I was just a little girl sitting on the bus while black. I cried and cried and went straight to the principal's office when I got to school. I didn't know what the word meant but I knew it wasn't good. That much had been taught to me. I think the boy was suspended or something but I know my dad was called and people were interviewed. It was unpleasant for me.
In 1st grade I had a little boy ask why I did not take a bath. I told him I did and he said No I didn't because I was dirty. I wasn't dirty, I just wasn't white like him.
In 2nd grade I had a girl ask me if she touched me would she change colors? I wasn't a chameleon. She didn't know that and it seemed like I was diseased in her eyes I guess. I just wasn't white like her.
Later on in elementary school or perhaps middle school our bus driver decided we needed to have assigned seats. Mine was at the back of the bus and he didn't see why I had a problem with that. I understood I was one of the first stops to get on the bus but he never saw my reasoning for why I didn't want to sit in the back of the bus. Until the school got involved.
I had to have the school involved again while I was in 8th grade and had a boy moon me on the bus. That boy is now a town council member in town. He had to apologize to me per the school on the phone and write a letter (per his mom). No one else was purposely mooned. I was also the only minority on the bus.
Between elementary school and high school I had many people ask to touch my hair. Do they ask you? No? Well they ask me to touch my hair because it looks different. Like I do.
Oh middle school and high school actually introduced more minorities. Maybe about as many as you could count on your hand.
I lost the girl who I thought was going to be my best friend forever. She actually had another girl (1/2 white, 1/2 black) threaten to beat me up. She has still never told me what happened to this day. It sucks since I see her and our parents live across from each other.
I used to get made fun of all the time. I was the first girl to develop, I was tall, athletic, great at sports. I was almost almost always picked last for whatever activity we were going to do. No one wanted to get near me, touch me, anything.
Figure if these are just for the early years of my life, not even getting me to age 16, and not even all of the stories how many more there are.
Now I am the mother of a young boy who may experience some of the same things I went through. White privilege is a thing and you may not see it. I just ask that you try to see things from a different perspective. I ask that you look at all of the angles. I don't have white privilege to "let me off the hook". I work hard for what I get/have and it is because of me. People try to keep me down and make me feel inferior because of my color. You most likely don't experience these things on a daily basis but if you get a chance, just stop and think what if it was you?

Hidden

So I feel trapped. I feel hidden. I mean, I can't write what I want or say what I want because someone someplace may get offended. Then if they do, instead of addressing the issue with me, they take it up with someone else. Then what happens? Well let me tell you. We then have a generalized email/message/talk about watch what is said because well it may offend someone. All over 1 word. All because 1 person and maybe more than 1 person took offense to something they saw/read/heard. The thing is they never questioned me. I am going to use me in this scenario because I am guessing that I am the issue. Here is the thing. I am a single black female. I have a black son. I have police officers as friends. I support Black Lives Matter. I'm not violent. I don't want people killed for speaking their mind. I don't want people killed for protecting (perhaps? although I was told that is not an officer's job) and serving us. I don't want people killed. I want understanding. I want us, as a whole, to talk and communicate. Have we not learned that lack of communication seems to be an issue that continues to go on and on? Communication can help. (Although in a personal case of mine it doesn't.) Here is the thing for communication to help and work: Both sides have to try and be committed to making it work.
Let's go back to my statement...I support Black Lives Matter. I am saying Black Lives Matter too. I don't have to say All Lives Matter because you as a person are seen as a whole. There was a time very recently I would have only been seen as 2/3 of a person. I can't even be seen as a whole person. Why? The color of my skin. I am black. I am beautiful. I am an ebony queen that will continue to work hard and rise up to face a new day. I overcome challenges and struggles. Black Lives Matter to me. Have you seen the news? Yes, I know the media loves to show the negatives. They continue to show police officers killing unarmed black men. They do not show police officers killing unarmed latinos or unarmed whites. Then, the media shows mentally ill black men killing police officers. Let me stop there. I used the word kill because in these cases it could come back justifiable homicide. I don't want to offend any more people by saying murder so I won't say that anyone was murdered. They all lost his or her life. Unfortunate. The mentally ill black men killed officers. Yes, they are mentally ill because you can't be all there if that is what you set out to do. Although people will have an issue that I've called them mentally ill and did not use a stronger word for what they did. They killed. Just like when it isn't a black man but a lighter pigmented man that kills people and they classify him as mentally ill. These men were mentally ill.
I support Black Lives Matter because they are not for the violence. They could easily say "An eye for an eye..."but they don't. They know violence is not the answer. They want peaceful protests. They want a voice to be heard. They want people to know that it is unfair. When police tell a man to put his hands up and he does, then why is he still shot? You don't know is not an acceptable answer. In fact, there is not one. At that moment, he is complying and you can see there are no weapons. Yes, more white people/men are killed by officers on a yearly basis than blacks but if you break down the numbers you'll see that it is not that simple. Whites are still the majority and Blacks are the minority. Let's add in Asians, Latinos, and Native Americans. Let's put all on an equal playing field. Then add up the numbers. You will see there is a discrepancy.
Now, if you want to know more about why I say Black Lives Matter then ask me. Don't assume and don't get offended. You don't know my past so you can't begin to understand why I say what I do.
Now, I agree Blue Lives Matter. I also think if someone said Red Lives Matter (firefighters' perhaps?) or Green Lives Matter (EMS providers?) I'd agree with that too. Blue Lives Matter too. It's sad that officers are being targeted. I told an officer that their job was to protect and serve which led to them telling me they are supposed to serve but not protect. If that is how officers feel then how is that supposed to make me as a citizen feel? I was taught you are supposed to serve and protect me. Police cars say that. Now, you tell me you aren't supposed to protect me? I don't condone a police officer being shot and I don't condone anyone else being shot. I think there are other ways to handle things.
Lately, the country is in turmoil and there is very little positive we see. Yea, if you see something on facebook go viral like the officers having a cookout and dancing with the citizens, then you feel good. The media didn't pick that up. The media didn't pick the story up of the man who helped the little blind lady cross the street. I don't even turn on the news because most of what I see and hear is negative. So much negativity weighs down on a person.
Let me leave you with one thing. I can only stay hidden for so long. I don't blend in because I'm not the majority. I don't have to tan for my skin to grow darker. I am me and I was born Black. It was not a choice. It was something bestowed upon me because they knew I could handle the honor of dealing with the challenges to come. This was given to me from the moment I came out of my mother's womb. Not everything else is that simple. Black Lives Matter. Stop the Hate and Celebrate.

Hollywood Image

The Image of a mother after having a baby in Hollywood is not realistic. I had a baby over 1 year ago. I lost some of the baby weight and due to stress and other issues, I gained that and more right back. A year later, I weight more than what I did when I had my son. I am not the typical woman, or the typical mother, but I am more average than the Hollywood Image.
I keep seeing a picture of Scarlett Johansson 5 weeks after having her baby  and she looks like she never had a baby or Kate Middleton when she left the hospital looking like she was only a few months pregnant if that. I see pictures of Jennifer Lopez, being 45 and having ripped abs. I see Jennifer Hudson, wearing things now as a mother, she didn't feel comfortable wearing before she lost all of this weight. People are commenting Jennifer Garner has a baby bump, because she has had 3 kids. Sure some of these women have had children years ago, but they are still shown as the Hollywood Image.
It's not realistic unless you can afford it. Most women have to work. We only get at most between 6-12 weeks off from work before we have to go back. We have to figure out who will care for our child while we are gone, cook, clean and lead the household. We don't get to workout, we don't get to pay a personal trainer or a personal chef so we can lose the weight. We also don't have pictures of our everyday life in magazines and all but that is not the real image.
Maybe it's me, because I am struggling with my weight and I am getting more and more frustrated seeing all of these women who seemed to bounce back immediately. I haven't gotten there yet but maybe one day I will. Hopefully one day sooner than later. Regardless, the Hollywood Image is not what I need to see on a daily basis. It is not motivating me to be a better me.

Growing Up

When did it all change? I remember being a little girl and everyone told me to enjoy being a child. They said enjoy living at home and not having to work, pay bills, worry about the adult things. Okay, I was perhaps less a child, and more a teenager. I was blessed and lucky (two different things but we can discuss that at another time, maybe). I remember going away to college and even while working my many on-campus jobs, there was more than one, I still didn't feel I had grown and was an adult. Over the past two years, I realized, I have grown up. I've been this height for a while, and I gained some extra pounds, more in the last year, than I had but when I say I've grown up, I mean matured. I've been very mature for a while. My parents would get compliments about how I was so mature for my age when I was younger.

I think a lot of it started when I was separated and going through my divorce. I didn't have anyone to focus on but me and it had been a long time, if ever, that I had focused on myself. I didn't have to worry about hurting someones feelings or checking to see if there were more plans than just video games so I could go out. I didn't have to answer to anyone.  I started associating with some different people. We went out for drinks and dinner instead of the club as a group. We went to take drives exploring the scenery instead of me seeing the same map on the game for the weekend's activities. I went to Germany, and it was not my first time overseas, but it was my first time in Germany, being able and legal to drink. I was the second, or third depending on how you counted it, oldest person in the group. I drank so much beer and it was delicious. I could still drink all of the men under the table (some things don't change). I even had hard liquor. FYI: The beer in Germany is better than German beer in America. I never tried the German beer that can be found in America in Germany because I kept drinking beer that isn't sold here.

While I reminisce about my drinking beer, we'll continue my growth. This did help it however, because my tastes have changed. I grew to appreciate beer a lot more and at some point, wine as well. I used to be a hard liquor only female, especially in my college and just after college days. In my mid 20s, I grew an appreciation for Moscato and sweet wines. In my later 20s and now in my thirties, I appreciate all of the varieties of alcohol. I'll drink anything on a given day. I now look forward to going to breweries and wine tastings.  I actually went with my parents for a wine tasting on my birthday, my idea. Now, I can't get enough.

Speaking of growing, I enjoy a different ambiance, or scene. I used to be ready to club and dance until 3 in the morning, go home and sleep until 4am and get up and go. The last time I did that, I was also going through my divorce. I had to get all of my partying out. It was fun, at the time. Now, I like to dance but have no desire to go out to a club. That became very apparent for me when I was pregnant and was the DD for my friend's 29th birthday. Krystal was my DD for my 28th (newly single, although not quite officially divorced) birthday. I owed it to her and boy did I tell her the whole night, she was lucky I had promised her the year before. I was sober and her and our friends were plastered. It was fun but the grinding and people being so close to you you couldn't move was old news to me. If I go to a club, let it be a jazz or blues club. I want a more sophisticated crowd to deal with.

I want to hear music that I could play for my family. I want something lively and meaningful. The music of hearing women called hoes and b*tches isn't music. Honestly, some of the stuff out nowadays, I don't know how it came about. I know my parents used to say that to me previously but I get it. I turn the radio on listening to the so called "music" of today. Give me Ella, Tina, James and Michael.  I want the stuff before my time that didn't have to have every other word bleeped out and that didn't offend one sex.

Instead of going out listening to that, why don't I just stay home. I used to think it was an atrocity to be home and in bed by 10:00 pm on a Friday or Saturday. That was my time for just starting to get ready and going out. Now, if I'm out at a friend's house laughing, that is the best time. I enjoy game night. That may last until midnight, but it's something I appreciate more than going out and not being able to have a conversation because the music is too loud and I'm standing in a puddle of sweat and alcohol surrounded by intoxicated people the whole time. If I'm not having game night or hanging out with friends, I am comfortable just being at home relaxing. I don't always have to go out.

I don't make it out now as much as I used to. That's okay with me. I'm actually quite happy. I always wanted to be a mother but I didn't realize it would be so rewarding. I love being able to pick up my baby and hug him. In bed by 9:00 pm so he and I can sleep together, is a joy too. I am that old woman I used to joke my friends about when they wanted to be at home sleeping. Now they can joke me. There is no greater place to be. It's not just about me. I have someone else whose needs come first and will continue to come first. I've grown even more since I was informed I'd be a mother.

I hope I continue to grow. My situations can help others learn. I can teach my son things to avoid. He can see that hard work pays off.  I can show him that he can do anything he puts his mind to. Hopefully I can teach him that growing up is all great but don't rush time. Don't wish to be somewhere you will be later on in life. If you do, you'll grow up and miss all the wonder and excitement of getting there.

New Decade - Extended Version from Facebook Post

My 20s was my time for experimenting and trying different things. I had rough patches and tough times. I had my first real boyfriend who broke my heart. Looking back it wasn't a relationship I should have been in for multiple reasons but it helped me learn. I married and learned it's okay to divorce if love isn't there and the marriage is dragging you down. This was not a relationship I should have been in but I learned again, this time listen when family and friends say No to the man. I thought I found love again but I found a broken player who puts on a good show but needs to grow himself. He did give me my greatest love of all, Andre, my son. 
I know it has been a while since I have written or said anything. So much has happened and at the time I should have been here, I strayed away. At the time I should have been praying, I lost my way and stopped. I will always find my way back to GOD, it may just take a longer time at some points. I am glad that I am into a new decade.
I lost my self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem somewhere in my 20s. I didn't notice it, until people started to see it and ask me what happened? I think it started in college when I realized I was good with my hands but no matter how much I studied, I wasn't understanding certain concepts. Unfortunately for me, those were the concepts I needed to pass the classes. I didn't do too well and switched majors. I love the major I went to, but looking back, I wish I had done more. I wish I had double majored when I switched and went on to Grad school. I wish I had taken a language. I wish that I had chosen a college close to home. Of course, then, my path would have changed completely. Maybe that is when I started to lose everything all about my self.  Maybe when I lost my job and just couldn't believe I was unemployed. Maybe when I felt I had a man but kept finding boys. I don't know when it happened but I know I'm gaining it all back.
I need to gain it all back because I have a son to raise. I need him to see how strong and tough his mother is. I need him to know that he is going to make it through life, and I'll always be by his side. I want him to know that he isn't going to have to depend on anyone but himself - He can do anything he puts his mind to and wants to do. My son is going to know the person I used to be - the person who had self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem. He is going to see the woman who knows she is worth it and won't settle for less. If I don't show him that, who will? He needs to learn to respect females, value them and never put them down and know that a female is a blessing. He will be taught to never be rude to a female and no matter what situation he gets into, he should never disrespect a female or call her out of her name. I am ready to teach him all that I have taken for granted and all that I had lost in myself.
 I'm happy to be 30. This is a new decade and a new chapter in my life. I'll listen to my family a little more - we may still argue but that's family, embrace my flaws with wider arms and I'll be okay if I fail....only a little. (I am a born winner after all.) I am excited to be 30 and I'm excited for the next 10 years and what it will bring. (Winning the lottery wouldn't hurt one bit!) Cheers to 30, growing and learning more. Glad to be moving on in life. :)