My
20s was my time for experimenting and trying different things. I had
rough patches and tough times. I had my first real boyfriend who broke
my heart. Looking back it wasn't a relationship I should have been in
for multiple reasons but it helped me learn. I married and learned it's
okay to divorce if love isn't there and the marriage is dragging you
down. This was not a relationship I should have
been in but I learned again, this time listen when family and friends
say No to the man. I thought I found love again but I found a broken
player who puts on a good show but needs to grow himself. He did give me
my greatest love of all, Andre, my son.
I know it has been a while since I have written or said anything. So much has happened and at the time I should have been here, I strayed away. At the time I should have been praying, I lost my way and stopped. I will always find my way back to GOD, it may just take a longer time at some points. I am glad that I am into a new decade.
I lost my self-worth,
self-confidence and self-esteem somewhere in my 20s. I didn't notice it, until people started to see it and ask me what happened? I think it started in college when I realized I was good with my hands but no matter how much I studied, I wasn't understanding certain concepts. Unfortunately for me, those were the concepts I needed to pass the classes. I didn't do too well and switched majors. I love the major I went to, but looking back, I wish I had done more. I wish I had double majored when I switched and went on to Grad school. I wish I had taken a language. I wish that I had chosen a college close to home. Of course, then, my path would have changed completely. Maybe that is when I started to lose everything all about my self. Maybe when I lost
my job and just couldn't believe I was unemployed. Maybe when I felt I
had a man but kept finding boys. I don't know when it happened but I
know I'm gaining it all back.
I need to gain it all back because I have a son to raise. I need him to see how strong and tough his mother is. I need him to know that he is going to make it through life, and I'll always be by his side. I want him to know that he isn't going to have to depend on anyone but himself - He can do anything he puts his mind to and wants to do. My son is going to know the person I used to be - the person who had self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem. He is going to see the woman who knows she is worth it and won't settle for less. If I don't show him that, who will? He needs to learn to respect females, value them and never put them down and know that a female is a blessing. He will be taught to never be rude to a female and no matter what situation he gets into, he should never disrespect a female or call her out of her name. I am ready to teach him all that I have taken for granted and all that I had lost in myself.
I'm happy to be 30. This is a new decade
and a new chapter in my life. I'll listen to my family a little more - we may still argue but that's family,
embrace my flaws with wider arms and I'll be okay if I fail....only a
little. (I am a born winner after all.) I am excited to be 30 and I'm
excited for the next 10 years and what it will bring. (Winning the
lottery wouldn't hurt one bit!) Cheers to 30, growing and learning more.
Glad to be moving on in life. :)
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