Another Disappointing Day in STown

Today's disappointingness....yes I made a word, comes from a Facebook group in town. People are upset that at the school graduation the singer will supposedly be kneeling while singing the National Anthem. "Kids should be kids until after ther ceremony." "This isn't the time to protest." "I'll have massive disdain for the singer and administration." "Politics has no place at a graduation." 

Really people? If the singer kneels you're too privileged to acknowledge a struggle that POC face? Don't valedictorians and graduation speakers give their opinion messages in a send-off that can be political, if they so choose? These kids are going into the real world. Do they need to be coddled for another 3 hours? That graduation ceremony is really going to make the difference, huh? If this isn't the time to protest then when? When you go to sleep? When it is convenient for you? When you are being attacked? 

I question why I even moved back here. I feel it has gotten worst and not better. So...another disappointing day in Southington! 

When Will It End?

Self defense yet we can't defend ourselves. When will the violence end for us? We are held to a higher standard when given lesser to work with. We succeed and are seen as deadbeats and dealers. When will the violence end for us? Colin kneeled peacefully and was told he was unpatriotic. The burning of his jerseys, Nikes, and more were justified yet we can not justify why we should have a life. When will the violence end for us? We make it, you take it. We riot you find a reason to blame us for the inequalities that put us where we are. Did you know I was born here? Did you know that I don't know my ancestry because my ancestors were taken from their homes and forced on a boat to come here. Did you know they were stripped of their worth and told they weren't even whole. Color made those who felt like they owned us delegate that we were only 3/5 of a person. How am I supposed to walk down the street if I can't even reach my hands in the air? I can't breathe yet it becomes a joke to you and all I hear is that since I'm talking I should be grateful. I have nowhere to turn and you don't understand my plight but you want to pretend like I should be fine. It doesn't work both ways where you are okay doing the same thing more aggressively and I have to fight for my life just because I was made in the most high. I'm not okay and I ask again When will the violence end for us?

CloudHQ

If you need a good way to save your Gmail emails to Google Drive then use cloudHQ. They are an add on that you use for Google Chrome. I needed to save my emails from Gmail and I was glad that I found this. You would think it would be easier, and with cloudHQ it was. I was able to leave it working in the background while I could still email, and do all of the work I needed. I received an email when it was complete and one letting me know the options in case I wanted to upgrade. They had me sign in again for my privacy and I was thoroughly impressed. I went to their website and I was also able to see other add ons that they have and there are a lot. If you are looking for a way to save your emails from gmail and make sure you have a way to back them up, go with cloudHQ for free. They can place the emails in one PDF or they can place the emails in multiple PDFs. For this occasion, I used multiple PDFs because I have over 200 emails I need to back up. The drawback is you are limited to how many emails can be converted per month. The positive in that is the fact that they give you different opportunities to gain more ways to convert over emails and go over the free monthly limit that is given to you. This post is not spam. I am posting this on my own free will and in exchange I will be able to convert over more Gmail emails to PDFs for free than the monthly limit allows. I also posted on my Twitter and my LinkedIn because I do need all of the help I can get. You can always pay to upgrade for this option, which is not a huge amount, but I am always a fan of free.
https://www.cloudhq.net/g_suite

Silence No More

I've been silenced. I've been told to not say what I feel, not feel what I do, sit down, be quiet...I've been told to not be me. I'm told I am loud - I know that. I have been told I'm too real - too honest and straight to the point. See, the world for me is different.I am a black female. I guess some of you knew that but my voice doesn't fit the black female stereotype for you. I have an education, a degree. I am a single mom. I don't live on the system. Obamacare or the Affordable Health care Act DID help me when I needed it. I work hard to get what I have. No matter who I know, it doesn't help. Neither does affirmative action as you'd like to think it does. In this country, I am seen as property. Property of a man, property of a person, property but not a person.  People don't see me as an equal. Equality is so far off that I probably won't see it in my lifetime. I am raising a black son. Society is teaching him he is not worth a thing and neither is his life. Society is trying to tell me I am not worth anything and neither is my life. I know society is wrong. Without me, my past, my struggles, my family and their sacrifice this country would not be where it is. This isn't racism on both sides. This is the one side that always tried to be superior trying to show muscle and I'm going to go down fighting. I'm a black female raising a black son. I'm loud and to the point. I don't sugarcoat. I'm me and I'm not changing. I refuse to be silenced.

Being Different or as I like to say Unique

I haven't posted in almost 2 years and now I post twice in 1 night. Well, I have a lot to say and I just don't say it all.
So I read this article a friend of mine posted about a guy who asked his friends to explain white privilege to him. I started thinking to myself, what if one of my friends asked me. What would I say?
Well, here is my story about what it was like to be different/unique or black while most people are white.
I was 5 years old and on the bus to school for Kindergarten. The bus had K-6th grade at the time. I sometimes was the only black person on the bus and sometimes there was a boy named Jay Night. Well this day Jay was not on the bus, it was just me. This older boy, a 6th grader called me a nigger. I didn't do anything. I was just a little girl sitting on the bus while black. I cried and cried and went straight to the principal's office when I got to school. I didn't know what the word meant but I knew it wasn't good. That much had been taught to me. I think the boy was suspended or something but I know my dad was called and people were interviewed. It was unpleasant for me.
In 1st grade I had a little boy ask why I did not take a bath. I told him I did and he said No I didn't because I was dirty. I wasn't dirty, I just wasn't white like him.
In 2nd grade I had a girl ask me if she touched me would she change colors? I wasn't a chameleon. She didn't know that and it seemed like I was diseased in her eyes I guess. I just wasn't white like her.
Later on in elementary school or perhaps middle school our bus driver decided we needed to have assigned seats. Mine was at the back of the bus and he didn't see why I had a problem with that. I understood I was one of the first stops to get on the bus but he never saw my reasoning for why I didn't want to sit in the back of the bus. Until the school got involved.
I had to have the school involved again while I was in 8th grade and had a boy moon me on the bus. That boy is now a town council member in town. He had to apologize to me per the school on the phone and write a letter (per his mom). No one else was purposely mooned. I was also the only minority on the bus.
Between elementary school and high school I had many people ask to touch my hair. Do they ask you? No? Well they ask me to touch my hair because it looks different. Like I do.
Oh middle school and high school actually introduced more minorities. Maybe about as many as you could count on your hand.
I lost the girl who I thought was going to be my best friend forever. She actually had another girl (1/2 white, 1/2 black) threaten to beat me up. She has still never told me what happened to this day. It sucks since I see her and our parents live across from each other.
I used to get made fun of all the time. I was the first girl to develop, I was tall, athletic, great at sports. I was almost almost always picked last for whatever activity we were going to do. No one wanted to get near me, touch me, anything.
Figure if these are just for the early years of my life, not even getting me to age 16, and not even all of the stories how many more there are.
Now I am the mother of a young boy who may experience some of the same things I went through. White privilege is a thing and you may not see it. I just ask that you try to see things from a different perspective. I ask that you look at all of the angles. I don't have white privilege to "let me off the hook". I work hard for what I get/have and it is because of me. People try to keep me down and make me feel inferior because of my color. You most likely don't experience these things on a daily basis but if you get a chance, just stop and think what if it was you?

Hidden

So I feel trapped. I feel hidden. I mean, I can't write what I want or say what I want because someone someplace may get offended. Then if they do, instead of addressing the issue with me, they take it up with someone else. Then what happens? Well let me tell you. We then have a generalized email/message/talk about watch what is said because well it may offend someone. All over 1 word. All because 1 person and maybe more than 1 person took offense to something they saw/read/heard. The thing is they never questioned me. I am going to use me in this scenario because I am guessing that I am the issue. Here is the thing. I am a single black female. I have a black son. I have police officers as friends. I support Black Lives Matter. I'm not violent. I don't want people killed for speaking their mind. I don't want people killed for protecting (perhaps? although I was told that is not an officer's job) and serving us. I don't want people killed. I want understanding. I want us, as a whole, to talk and communicate. Have we not learned that lack of communication seems to be an issue that continues to go on and on? Communication can help. (Although in a personal case of mine it doesn't.) Here is the thing for communication to help and work: Both sides have to try and be committed to making it work.
Let's go back to my statement...I support Black Lives Matter. I am saying Black Lives Matter too. I don't have to say All Lives Matter because you as a person are seen as a whole. There was a time very recently I would have only been seen as 2/3 of a person. I can't even be seen as a whole person. Why? The color of my skin. I am black. I am beautiful. I am an ebony queen that will continue to work hard and rise up to face a new day. I overcome challenges and struggles. Black Lives Matter to me. Have you seen the news? Yes, I know the media loves to show the negatives. They continue to show police officers killing unarmed black men. They do not show police officers killing unarmed latinos or unarmed whites. Then, the media shows mentally ill black men killing police officers. Let me stop there. I used the word kill because in these cases it could come back justifiable homicide. I don't want to offend any more people by saying murder so I won't say that anyone was murdered. They all lost his or her life. Unfortunate. The mentally ill black men killed officers. Yes, they are mentally ill because you can't be all there if that is what you set out to do. Although people will have an issue that I've called them mentally ill and did not use a stronger word for what they did. They killed. Just like when it isn't a black man but a lighter pigmented man that kills people and they classify him as mentally ill. These men were mentally ill.
I support Black Lives Matter because they are not for the violence. They could easily say "An eye for an eye..."but they don't. They know violence is not the answer. They want peaceful protests. They want a voice to be heard. They want people to know that it is unfair. When police tell a man to put his hands up and he does, then why is he still shot? You don't know is not an acceptable answer. In fact, there is not one. At that moment, he is complying and you can see there are no weapons. Yes, more white people/men are killed by officers on a yearly basis than blacks but if you break down the numbers you'll see that it is not that simple. Whites are still the majority and Blacks are the minority. Let's add in Asians, Latinos, and Native Americans. Let's put all on an equal playing field. Then add up the numbers. You will see there is a discrepancy.
Now, if you want to know more about why I say Black Lives Matter then ask me. Don't assume and don't get offended. You don't know my past so you can't begin to understand why I say what I do.
Now, I agree Blue Lives Matter. I also think if someone said Red Lives Matter (firefighters' perhaps?) or Green Lives Matter (EMS providers?) I'd agree with that too. Blue Lives Matter too. It's sad that officers are being targeted. I told an officer that their job was to protect and serve which led to them telling me they are supposed to serve but not protect. If that is how officers feel then how is that supposed to make me as a citizen feel? I was taught you are supposed to serve and protect me. Police cars say that. Now, you tell me you aren't supposed to protect me? I don't condone a police officer being shot and I don't condone anyone else being shot. I think there are other ways to handle things.
Lately, the country is in turmoil and there is very little positive we see. Yea, if you see something on facebook go viral like the officers having a cookout and dancing with the citizens, then you feel good. The media didn't pick that up. The media didn't pick the story up of the man who helped the little blind lady cross the street. I don't even turn on the news because most of what I see and hear is negative. So much negativity weighs down on a person.
Let me leave you with one thing. I can only stay hidden for so long. I don't blend in because I'm not the majority. I don't have to tan for my skin to grow darker. I am me and I was born Black. It was not a choice. It was something bestowed upon me because they knew I could handle the honor of dealing with the challenges to come. This was given to me from the moment I came out of my mother's womb. Not everything else is that simple. Black Lives Matter. Stop the Hate and Celebrate.

Hollywood Image

The Image of a mother after having a baby in Hollywood is not realistic. I had a baby over 1 year ago. I lost some of the baby weight and due to stress and other issues, I gained that and more right back. A year later, I weight more than what I did when I had my son. I am not the typical woman, or the typical mother, but I am more average than the Hollywood Image.
I keep seeing a picture of Scarlett Johansson 5 weeks after having her baby  and she looks like she never had a baby or Kate Middleton when she left the hospital looking like she was only a few months pregnant if that. I see pictures of Jennifer Lopez, being 45 and having ripped abs. I see Jennifer Hudson, wearing things now as a mother, she didn't feel comfortable wearing before she lost all of this weight. People are commenting Jennifer Garner has a baby bump, because she has had 3 kids. Sure some of these women have had children years ago, but they are still shown as the Hollywood Image.
It's not realistic unless you can afford it. Most women have to work. We only get at most between 6-12 weeks off from work before we have to go back. We have to figure out who will care for our child while we are gone, cook, clean and lead the household. We don't get to workout, we don't get to pay a personal trainer or a personal chef so we can lose the weight. We also don't have pictures of our everyday life in magazines and all but that is not the real image.
Maybe it's me, because I am struggling with my weight and I am getting more and more frustrated seeing all of these women who seemed to bounce back immediately. I haven't gotten there yet but maybe one day I will. Hopefully one day sooner than later. Regardless, the Hollywood Image is not what I need to see on a daily basis. It is not motivating me to be a better me.

Growing Up

When did it all change? I remember being a little girl and everyone told me to enjoy being a child. They said enjoy living at home and not having to work, pay bills, worry about the adult things. Okay, I was perhaps less a child, and more a teenager. I was blessed and lucky (two different things but we can discuss that at another time, maybe). I remember going away to college and even while working my many on-campus jobs, there was more than one, I still didn't feel I had grown and was an adult. Over the past two years, I realized, I have grown up. I've been this height for a while, and I gained some extra pounds, more in the last year, than I had but when I say I've grown up, I mean matured. I've been very mature for a while. My parents would get compliments about how I was so mature for my age when I was younger.

I think a lot of it started when I was separated and going through my divorce. I didn't have anyone to focus on but me and it had been a long time, if ever, that I had focused on myself. I didn't have to worry about hurting someones feelings or checking to see if there were more plans than just video games so I could go out. I didn't have to answer to anyone.  I started associating with some different people. We went out for drinks and dinner instead of the club as a group. We went to take drives exploring the scenery instead of me seeing the same map on the game for the weekend's activities. I went to Germany, and it was not my first time overseas, but it was my first time in Germany, being able and legal to drink. I was the second, or third depending on how you counted it, oldest person in the group. I drank so much beer and it was delicious. I could still drink all of the men under the table (some things don't change). I even had hard liquor. FYI: The beer in Germany is better than German beer in America. I never tried the German beer that can be found in America in Germany because I kept drinking beer that isn't sold here.

While I reminisce about my drinking beer, we'll continue my growth. This did help it however, because my tastes have changed. I grew to appreciate beer a lot more and at some point, wine as well. I used to be a hard liquor only female, especially in my college and just after college days. In my mid 20s, I grew an appreciation for Moscato and sweet wines. In my later 20s and now in my thirties, I appreciate all of the varieties of alcohol. I'll drink anything on a given day. I now look forward to going to breweries and wine tastings.  I actually went with my parents for a wine tasting on my birthday, my idea. Now, I can't get enough.

Speaking of growing, I enjoy a different ambiance, or scene. I used to be ready to club and dance until 3 in the morning, go home and sleep until 4am and get up and go. The last time I did that, I was also going through my divorce. I had to get all of my partying out. It was fun, at the time. Now, I like to dance but have no desire to go out to a club. That became very apparent for me when I was pregnant and was the DD for my friend's 29th birthday. Krystal was my DD for my 28th (newly single, although not quite officially divorced) birthday. I owed it to her and boy did I tell her the whole night, she was lucky I had promised her the year before. I was sober and her and our friends were plastered. It was fun but the grinding and people being so close to you you couldn't move was old news to me. If I go to a club, let it be a jazz or blues club. I want a more sophisticated crowd to deal with.

I want to hear music that I could play for my family. I want something lively and meaningful. The music of hearing women called hoes and b*tches isn't music. Honestly, some of the stuff out nowadays, I don't know how it came about. I know my parents used to say that to me previously but I get it. I turn the radio on listening to the so called "music" of today. Give me Ella, Tina, James and Michael.  I want the stuff before my time that didn't have to have every other word bleeped out and that didn't offend one sex.

Instead of going out listening to that, why don't I just stay home. I used to think it was an atrocity to be home and in bed by 10:00 pm on a Friday or Saturday. That was my time for just starting to get ready and going out. Now, if I'm out at a friend's house laughing, that is the best time. I enjoy game night. That may last until midnight, but it's something I appreciate more than going out and not being able to have a conversation because the music is too loud and I'm standing in a puddle of sweat and alcohol surrounded by intoxicated people the whole time. If I'm not having game night or hanging out with friends, I am comfortable just being at home relaxing. I don't always have to go out.

I don't make it out now as much as I used to. That's okay with me. I'm actually quite happy. I always wanted to be a mother but I didn't realize it would be so rewarding. I love being able to pick up my baby and hug him. In bed by 9:00 pm so he and I can sleep together, is a joy too. I am that old woman I used to joke my friends about when they wanted to be at home sleeping. Now they can joke me. There is no greater place to be. It's not just about me. I have someone else whose needs come first and will continue to come first. I've grown even more since I was informed I'd be a mother.

I hope I continue to grow. My situations can help others learn. I can teach my son things to avoid. He can see that hard work pays off.  I can show him that he can do anything he puts his mind to. Hopefully I can teach him that growing up is all great but don't rush time. Don't wish to be somewhere you will be later on in life. If you do, you'll grow up and miss all the wonder and excitement of getting there.

New Decade - Extended Version from Facebook Post

My 20s was my time for experimenting and trying different things. I had rough patches and tough times. I had my first real boyfriend who broke my heart. Looking back it wasn't a relationship I should have been in for multiple reasons but it helped me learn. I married and learned it's okay to divorce if love isn't there and the marriage is dragging you down. This was not a relationship I should have been in but I learned again, this time listen when family and friends say No to the man. I thought I found love again but I found a broken player who puts on a good show but needs to grow himself. He did give me my greatest love of all, Andre, my son. 
I know it has been a while since I have written or said anything. So much has happened and at the time I should have been here, I strayed away. At the time I should have been praying, I lost my way and stopped. I will always find my way back to GOD, it may just take a longer time at some points. I am glad that I am into a new decade.
I lost my self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem somewhere in my 20s. I didn't notice it, until people started to see it and ask me what happened? I think it started in college when I realized I was good with my hands but no matter how much I studied, I wasn't understanding certain concepts. Unfortunately for me, those were the concepts I needed to pass the classes. I didn't do too well and switched majors. I love the major I went to, but looking back, I wish I had done more. I wish I had double majored when I switched and went on to Grad school. I wish I had taken a language. I wish that I had chosen a college close to home. Of course, then, my path would have changed completely. Maybe that is when I started to lose everything all about my self.  Maybe when I lost my job and just couldn't believe I was unemployed. Maybe when I felt I had a man but kept finding boys. I don't know when it happened but I know I'm gaining it all back.
I need to gain it all back because I have a son to raise. I need him to see how strong and tough his mother is. I need him to know that he is going to make it through life, and I'll always be by his side. I want him to know that he isn't going to have to depend on anyone but himself - He can do anything he puts his mind to and wants to do. My son is going to know the person I used to be - the person who had self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem. He is going to see the woman who knows she is worth it and won't settle for less. If I don't show him that, who will? He needs to learn to respect females, value them and never put them down and know that a female is a blessing. He will be taught to never be rude to a female and no matter what situation he gets into, he should never disrespect a female or call her out of her name. I am ready to teach him all that I have taken for granted and all that I had lost in myself.
 I'm happy to be 30. This is a new decade and a new chapter in my life. I'll listen to my family a little more - we may still argue but that's family, embrace my flaws with wider arms and I'll be okay if I fail....only a little. (I am a born winner after all.) I am excited to be 30 and I'm excited for the next 10 years and what it will bring. (Winning the lottery wouldn't hurt one bit!) Cheers to 30, growing and learning more. Glad to be moving on in life. :)

New vs. Old - New wins! For this 1 friend at least

I just have to say that I love life. I had a great weekend, one of the best I've had in a while. I hung out with old friends and new ones. I did not have to work or run rescue which made it even better for me. I had a whole weekend to myself and I enjoyed it. I also met someone who knows my worth. I can tell he is going to be a great friend to have and I'm excited. The one thing about my friends is they know that I am going to keep it real. I don't sugarcoat and I'm honest. If you like me great, if you don't oh well. I'm not going to cry tears over you. This new friend, could tell in less than 24 hours that I am worth it, I won't hold back and I will call his bullshit. I do and I did. He didn't mumble under his breath or make little underhanded comments. It was nice to be out with people who made me feel good about myself. Great friends do that. No friend should make me not feel good about myself. I guess, I should rephrase. It was great to be with people who didn't make me feel unsure or like they were talking about me or thinking evil things. All of my friends should do that and if they aren't then they are not really my friends. Guess it makes me ask the same thing everyone else in my life has asked me, why are you friends with him? Well, let me say, most likely not for long. I have new friends, better friends, who know that I am worth a lot more than some like to give me credit for and I can tell we will be in each others' lives for a while.
Here is to the weekends of the summer that were great, enjoyable and make me smile when Monday morning rolls around and I don't want to see it. I'm so excited for the time I get to spend with the new people, I don't know what to do. Too bad I'm missing them this weekend coming up, but soon we will be back together hanging out again. I can just tell. :)

A reason...

You know those people who come into your life just when you need them and you wonder what you would have done if you never met them? I have a friend like that. Came into my life as Kevin and I were getting worst and worst and growing apart day by day. He was like a knight in shining armor. He saved me from an unhappy miserable marriage. We hung out, went to dinner a few times, a comedy club, ice skating, only as friends. He respected what I was going through and that although I was unhappy, I was still married. He dealt with Kevin calling and texting him. He dealt with Kevin blaming him for our divorce. He dealt with all the drama I told him about and all the drama Kevin included him in. He was a great gentleman and a great friend for me at that time.
Now, don't get me wrong, we currently still talk. Our friendship has changed from the good ole days of when I first met him. We don't hang out AT ALL! No more dinner and just being stupid and care free together. I guess he can't really handle all of that in his life like he used to. We don't text as much. I'm still there for him and he is there for me to an extent. It seems our friendship was stronger. I went away to Germany and came back and it hasn't been the same since. I'm not sure we will ever go back to the days of just being us and hanging out. I guess it was one of those he was there at the time I needed him and I was there at the time he needed me. A reason friendship. But no matter what, GOD knew I needed him and he put him in my life. Now we'll see how much work he'll put in to stay in my life. I've put in work but will he? Only time will tell.

A little of everything

It was so much easier to keep up with my blog when I was unemployed. Now I am constantly working, going to meetings, volunteering and going out sometimes with friends.
My personal life has not been all sunshine and happy. I'm going through some difficult times and let me tell you, my friends are the best. They sit and listen to me moan and vent and some offer advice, some just let me be. Some tell me to shut up so I just don't talk to them for a few days or weeks. Haha.
I am excited that it is March and that means March Madness. I love my college basketball and have it on as I am typing away to you.
I see my friends having babies and I hope that is me one day. I always thought that I'd be planning on that in my late 20s but now I see it will be my early 30s. I love kids but I know what I want and need to bring a baby into this world. I would like to say Congratulations to all of my friends that do have a baby and I hope you and your families are doing well.
Back to me. I still love volunteering and I am loving my job. I do not enjoy working with all of the women I do and I have nicknamed three of them the Mean Girls. Why? Because they act like they are in middle school and are mean. They start so much drama it is not even funny. But I love my job. I don't know if they think I'm going to run because they mention all the time how they can't keep anyone in the position. Little do they know, I've been dealing with petty people like them my whole life and probably will until I die. They won't affect me anymore than the others and I will conquer and survive them. It's funny too because they start drama with people and then talk about each other behind their backs. Some friends.
I am excited that I will be going to Germany in May. Not my first time overseas but my first time in Germany. I am praying hard that I have a safe trip, especially since ya'll know I hate flying. I was hoping that I'd be going on this trip with the person who encouraged me to apply. I'm not but I'll be sure to bring back an awesome gift.
I'm making a goal again to lose weight and eat better. I've really been working out and although I've noticed a slight loss of weight, I'm hoping it turns into more because I made a bet that I plan on winning. I don't know what exactly will be bet but we will see.
I've really been expanding my friendships and one of my newer ones is really quite a surprise. We have a lot in common, not so much at the same time and I like to think we make each other better. It's a time in each of our lives where we need each other but I hope that we stay in each other's lives for a lifetime and not a reason or a season.
I have an adorable niece who I love and I wish I lived closer to her. I'm sure for as little as I get to see her, she knows that I love her. Once again, I can't wait for my own but that will be in a few more years.
I know I've been all over the place with this post but it was just a few things I had to get off of my chest. I hope I'll be back to writing more than what I have over the past few months. Here is to an amazing 2012 with lots of challenges and obstacles but I am a survivor and I'll overcome.
xoxo

Well, since my last post first let's say Happy New Year! I hope everyone enjoyed all of their holidays. Today is MLK Day. What did you do to celebrate?
I am now released as an EMT-B  in Virginia Beach. I love running duties and I have a great partner who I love running with. Life is so much simpler when we go to calls because we don't have to necessarily talk to one another to get all of the information from the patient and we each do something that together adds up as a whole.
I wish I knew everyone that looked at this. Some people I don't mind sharing the information with but others I do.
The end of last year, beginning of this year has been something. Let's just say I am being optimistic and this is my adventure year. Everything is an adventure, including my phone jumping in the toilet on the second day of the year! Haha only me. But let me tell you, the rice did work. It took a nap for 2 days and is back up and running now.
I wanted to stop in and say hi. I need to not be so forgetful and I need to really keep up in my writing. I know I will need it this year. All I ask, is that you read this, support me, pray for me and enjoy. This year will talk even more about my trials and tribulations and you may see me struggle with me faith. I try not to, but some days are better than others. I will persevere and make it through and so will you. Together we are going to make it.
Cheers to 2012 and here is to making it better than last year. Enjoy your adventures because I am hoping you get to enjoy mine and learn something new!

What a lovely morning. I hope you remembered to set your clocks back. While most other people are sleeping and enjoying that extra hour, I am up taking calls. Well, I have no choice because if you call 9-1-1 and it is in my area, I will be there. So....everyone else is sleeping and I am awake.
Oh well. I am closer to be released although I am recognized in the state of Virginia as an EMT-Basic already. Sweet!
On another note, I have a job! I am so excited. I am not working in a daycare anymore. I work for the City and the Dept. of EMS. Tell me that is not awesome....you can't! I love it and I am so excited.
Well off to work.

Loving the Life

Soo...I last posted in March. I became a little busy with some changes and now I am back to posting...more so than every 6-8 months. Well let's talk about what happened.
In April, I started EMT classes. I met people I now love, some I don't and I found a passion in life. In Virginia Beach all of the EMT-Bs are volunteers and so are most of the medics. Although I don't get paid I love what I do. I help save people's lives and I help when people are hurt. It is a great feeling. I love this part of my life. I could talk about the people I help and some of the stupid calls....well that is coming just not know.
I found a job in May but it is working at a daycare and I am not a fan. It pays, 1/2 of what I used to make but whatever. It pays some bills and all. I do have 2 interviews which is awesome to me!! I am so happy. For the interviews. I am loving that part. There is hope I will find a job.
I am not loving the fact my husband seems to not support me or care about the fact I found something I love. That is the part of my life I do not love. He seems to get pissed about me and doing all of the EMT things that I do. Sad. :( He did not even seemed thrilled when I found out I had an interview. That was really hard to me. He knew I had been looking and then to not care. I really think he hates the fact that I am an EMT. I am gone 12 hours a day, 4 days a month-at least, and I can only run on the weekends because that is when I am available.
Well, there will be more, but not tonight. So excited that I am in a happier place. Now to get my husband there with me.

Are People Really That Stupid?

Is it just me or are people really this stupid? Everyone made a huge deal about Bill Clinton getting BJ's from Monica Lewisnky (if I spelled it right). He lied to us about cheating yes, but he did a great job with the country. George W. Bush lied to us about Weapons of Mass Destruction. He got us into a war we should not have gone to or started. He turned this country upside down and everyone thinks he was great? Now we have President Obama trying to be honest and people think he a bad president and should not be reelected?
Are people really that stupid? He did not get us into this war, he has been trying to get us out. He did not get the country into this horrible economic mess, he is trying to get us out. He has been nothing but honest and that makes people blame him and say he should not be back? He is trying to make health care better for us (especially those of us who can not afford it) and it is constantly the poor people who look like they need the health care the most who think it is a bad idea. Are people really this stupid?
Canada would be happy to have our President. Why do Americans want the country to go to a worst place than what it is. Has anyone noticed that since the Republicans took over everything but the Presidency they have made President Obama's life a living hell. They won't approve anything. Why do they and others not like him as much? It is sad to say but I do think it is because of his color. People did not make such a big deal previously with such issues. People now, blatantly disrespect the President in public and  he represents our country. I did not like George W. but I never disrespected him. Why are people so stupid in thinking our current President is trying to harm us? And people are really dumb enough to think he was not born in the US?
People really are this stupid? It is sad to say but yes. They let the color of a man's skin and his honesty affect them. We finally have a good man leading us and no one can see that. Let's listen to what the media and FOX tell us. They can never lie to us. Bill O'Reilly knows what he is talking about. Let's be real people. These people make so much money that they want what is best for them and that is not who is office now. The President now is for the people not for the money. People are so stupid that by the time someone else gets in office and screws them, they will be looking for President Obama again and wishing he was still in office.
Maybe I'll move to another country where the people are sensible and respectable. Maybe I'll be a northern neighbor!

Compromise

I thought I came to a compromise with Kevin. His friend could come over every other week, we are not paying for his food or picking him up, etc. So this was his week which Kevin stated he does not go by that. That is fine. But his friend wanted us to pick him up. And oh he'll give us $10. Gas is $3.45 a gallon. He lives 15 minutes, at least, away. I compromised that we would drive him home. That trip was not going to happen twice today.
He did not want to bring his game with him on the bus. I told Kevin, I thought we were watching movies all day. I was being nice inviting his friend to join us. Now today Kevin informs me we are not going to watch movies the whole day, maybe just one or two. Wow. Well, now we have to wait for his friend because yes, he was taking the bus. I have to use gas money on you to bring you home and get myself back here. Your $10 you can use on yourself and buy yourself some food because we are not buying anything for you and I'm not cooking anything for you. I thought it was nice of me to let him come over while we are going to watch movies and to give him a ride home. We have our own bills and I have no children right now. This guy takes advantage of Kevin and he won't be doing it of me. You are grown, married and live on your own with your wife.  If you need help, do like I did and ask your family but don't ask us. We have been struggling before you have and if we can just afford our stuff and we still have bills, we are not going to be offering to help you.
I compromised. Now, grow up and act like a man. If you don't have money, stay you butt at home and stop coming over to my place. Yes, my place is better, I have furniture, food, and a nice tv. I understand that. Understand I like my apartment too and it works when it is used by me without you here on the weekends.
Now compromise and spend time with your wife instead of my husband.

NCAA Basketball

Well I love basketball. One thing I have noticed that is different between the men and women....fouls and acting. The men look for fouls at all times. They shoot balls they would not shoot otherwise and if they don't get the call they look at the ref like, "I was fouled. Why did you not call it?" I can not stand that. You are there for a game. Play like you are not going to get any calls. Stop looking for the official to call something because it looks sad. If you need a call, you are not that good. Just play the game.
The acting is ridiculous too. These player flop and fall to the ground just to get a charge or pushing call. Sometimes it works (like SDSU vs. UCONN) and other times it does not. It looks sad. You have to fall to the grown and act like you were really hit? Seriously? Is that the standard now? It is sad. Kemba Walker did that and it got a technical call against SDSU. Not fair and not right. To me it is pathetic.
If I coached, or when I do, I would not and will not tolerate it. My players will play like no fouls are going to be called at all. If they look for a foul or fall to the ground (unless it is a charge, which to get the call you have to fall to the ground almost 100% of the time and you will fall if you are taking the charge) then I will and would pull them. People play basketball because they love sport. I wish we could just get back to watching people play basketball because they love it, and they play and stop worrying about calls.
Will that day come back soon? I hope so because I keep getting more and more pissed every time I see people fake that they were fouled or act like they were hit. If people can get their teeth knocked out, get scratched and bleed or get a broken nose and keep playing, you should be able to as well.

4th and 2nd Saturday....so lovely

So it is the 4th Sunday overall and the 2nd Saturday in a row without Kevin's friend. We were going to go to a performance but groceries and basketball won out! Either way, it was just us. No screaming from a man who is getting beat in the game by his friends. Only screaming from Kevin. No one taking our money for food or eating the food we have in the house. Such a lovely Saturday.
We could relax, sleep in late and just enjoy the weather, life and each other. Kevin was chef and made breakfast. I haven't had a breakfast made by him in I don't know how long. I even was bartender and made drinks for Kevin. His famous or infamous pina colada with a secret ingredient. I don't want to give it away. He loved it so it was a success. I loved experimenting with drinks. Last weekend the drinks were too strong for Kevin. He enjoyed this one. And I made a dip too! No reason why except I saw a recipe, it looked good and made me want to. Too bad I need some more items so I can bake too! (Maybe tomorrow I can get those.)
I woke up and worked out. It was not as hardcore as my Monday-Friday but it works for the weekend. At least I am working out. I should have slept in and worked out later but I didn't. Oh well too bad!
I told Kevin we need some more friends down here. We don't really have a group of people we hang out with. When we get together with someone, except for our neighbor (while her husband was out at sea) we don't really go out. And I'm not going out with his friends. I'm excited his friend did not come over and that our roommate did not come home. Those are not the people we need to hang out with and associate with. It'd just be nice to have someone to call up and go visit or go out and eat or they come over for drinks and appetizers.
Maybe everything will work out one day soon for us! Until then we will keep living and I'll keep enjoying the fact that I had another Saturday of no guests and no money spent on guests who came over to visit. So lovely!

At Ease

I love these days. You wake up to the sun shining and the birds chirping. You smile knowing that the weather is going to make it a gorgeous day. I then proceeded to get ready to work out at the gym. In working out, I met a nice lady with whom I bonded with. She is more like a mother figure to me but it is so refreshing to meet nice people who just want to know about you and work out with you. Too bad after that I had to laundry with Kevin and we missed having lunch with a friend but we have priorities and since laundry was put off a day, we couldn't have fun until after.We came home and put everything away and our bedroom looks so much better. No clutter of clothes all over or piling up out of the hamper. Then we ran errands and ended it with a frozen treat -Rita's!!
I don't enjoy the errands and the chores but the gorgeous day...I do! We opened our windows and smelled the fresh air. You know it's lovely when a hornet tries to attack you and come for a ride in your car. (I did not enjoy that either.) I could go out without a sweatshirt. I wore flip flops. I loved it. And...I have to mention it again since it is 100% official. I have now paid off my car loan and my credit cards and I canceled my credit cards. No more high APR, or annual fee. I think that makes it all better. Too bad that now I remembered I have to pay for the car insurance and AAA. Well at least I can relax for a couple of weeks and be at ease!
Have a Happy Friday! Watch some NCAA basketball. I love March Madness and even though my brackets were messed up on the first day, I am still at ease and I still love this time of year for this alone!