Another Disappointing Day in STown

Today's disappointingness....yes I made a word, comes from a Facebook group in town. People are upset that at the school graduation the singer will supposedly be kneeling while singing the National Anthem. "Kids should be kids until after ther ceremony." "This isn't the time to protest." "I'll have massive disdain for the singer and administration." "Politics has no place at a graduation." 

Really people? If the singer kneels you're too privileged to acknowledge a struggle that POC face? Don't valedictorians and graduation speakers give their opinion messages in a send-off that can be political, if they so choose? These kids are going into the real world. Do they need to be coddled for another 3 hours? That graduation ceremony is really going to make the difference, huh? If this isn't the time to protest then when? When you go to sleep? When it is convenient for you? When you are being attacked? 

I question why I even moved back here. I feel it has gotten worst and not better. So...another disappointing day in Southington! 

When Will It End?

Self defense yet we can't defend ourselves. When will the violence end for us? We are held to a higher standard when given lesser to work with. We succeed and are seen as deadbeats and dealers. When will the violence end for us? Colin kneeled peacefully and was told he was unpatriotic. The burning of his jerseys, Nikes, and more were justified yet we can not justify why we should have a life. When will the violence end for us? We make it, you take it. We riot you find a reason to blame us for the inequalities that put us where we are. Did you know I was born here? Did you know that I don't know my ancestry because my ancestors were taken from their homes and forced on a boat to come here. Did you know they were stripped of their worth and told they weren't even whole. Color made those who felt like they owned us delegate that we were only 3/5 of a person. How am I supposed to walk down the street if I can't even reach my hands in the air? I can't breathe yet it becomes a joke to you and all I hear is that since I'm talking I should be grateful. I have nowhere to turn and you don't understand my plight but you want to pretend like I should be fine. It doesn't work both ways where you are okay doing the same thing more aggressively and I have to fight for my life just because I was made in the most high. I'm not okay and I ask again When will the violence end for us?

CloudHQ

If you need a good way to save your Gmail emails to Google Drive then use cloudHQ. They are an add on that you use for Google Chrome. I needed to save my emails from Gmail and I was glad that I found this. You would think it would be easier, and with cloudHQ it was. I was able to leave it working in the background while I could still email, and do all of the work I needed. I received an email when it was complete and one letting me know the options in case I wanted to upgrade. They had me sign in again for my privacy and I was thoroughly impressed. I went to their website and I was also able to see other add ons that they have and there are a lot. If you are looking for a way to save your emails from gmail and make sure you have a way to back them up, go with cloudHQ for free. They can place the emails in one PDF or they can place the emails in multiple PDFs. For this occasion, I used multiple PDFs because I have over 200 emails I need to back up. The drawback is you are limited to how many emails can be converted per month. The positive in that is the fact that they give you different opportunities to gain more ways to convert over emails and go over the free monthly limit that is given to you. This post is not spam. I am posting this on my own free will and in exchange I will be able to convert over more Gmail emails to PDFs for free than the monthly limit allows. I also posted on my Twitter and my LinkedIn because I do need all of the help I can get. You can always pay to upgrade for this option, which is not a huge amount, but I am always a fan of free.
https://www.cloudhq.net/g_suite

Silence No More

I've been silenced. I've been told to not say what I feel, not feel what I do, sit down, be quiet...I've been told to not be me. I'm told I am loud - I know that. I have been told I'm too real - too honest and straight to the point. See, the world for me is different.I am a black female. I guess some of you knew that but my voice doesn't fit the black female stereotype for you. I have an education, a degree. I am a single mom. I don't live on the system. Obamacare or the Affordable Health care Act DID help me when I needed it. I work hard to get what I have. No matter who I know, it doesn't help. Neither does affirmative action as you'd like to think it does. In this country, I am seen as property. Property of a man, property of a person, property but not a person.  People don't see me as an equal. Equality is so far off that I probably won't see it in my lifetime. I am raising a black son. Society is teaching him he is not worth a thing and neither is his life. Society is trying to tell me I am not worth anything and neither is my life. I know society is wrong. Without me, my past, my struggles, my family and their sacrifice this country would not be where it is. This isn't racism on both sides. This is the one side that always tried to be superior trying to show muscle and I'm going to go down fighting. I'm a black female raising a black son. I'm loud and to the point. I don't sugarcoat. I'm me and I'm not changing. I refuse to be silenced.

Being Different or as I like to say Unique

I haven't posted in almost 2 years and now I post twice in 1 night. Well, I have a lot to say and I just don't say it all.
So I read this article a friend of mine posted about a guy who asked his friends to explain white privilege to him. I started thinking to myself, what if one of my friends asked me. What would I say?
Well, here is my story about what it was like to be different/unique or black while most people are white.
I was 5 years old and on the bus to school for Kindergarten. The bus had K-6th grade at the time. I sometimes was the only black person on the bus and sometimes there was a boy named Jay Night. Well this day Jay was not on the bus, it was just me. This older boy, a 6th grader called me a nigger. I didn't do anything. I was just a little girl sitting on the bus while black. I cried and cried and went straight to the principal's office when I got to school. I didn't know what the word meant but I knew it wasn't good. That much had been taught to me. I think the boy was suspended or something but I know my dad was called and people were interviewed. It was unpleasant for me.
In 1st grade I had a little boy ask why I did not take a bath. I told him I did and he said No I didn't because I was dirty. I wasn't dirty, I just wasn't white like him.
In 2nd grade I had a girl ask me if she touched me would she change colors? I wasn't a chameleon. She didn't know that and it seemed like I was diseased in her eyes I guess. I just wasn't white like her.
Later on in elementary school or perhaps middle school our bus driver decided we needed to have assigned seats. Mine was at the back of the bus and he didn't see why I had a problem with that. I understood I was one of the first stops to get on the bus but he never saw my reasoning for why I didn't want to sit in the back of the bus. Until the school got involved.
I had to have the school involved again while I was in 8th grade and had a boy moon me on the bus. That boy is now a town council member in town. He had to apologize to me per the school on the phone and write a letter (per his mom). No one else was purposely mooned. I was also the only minority on the bus.
Between elementary school and high school I had many people ask to touch my hair. Do they ask you? No? Well they ask me to touch my hair because it looks different. Like I do.
Oh middle school and high school actually introduced more minorities. Maybe about as many as you could count on your hand.
I lost the girl who I thought was going to be my best friend forever. She actually had another girl (1/2 white, 1/2 black) threaten to beat me up. She has still never told me what happened to this day. It sucks since I see her and our parents live across from each other.
I used to get made fun of all the time. I was the first girl to develop, I was tall, athletic, great at sports. I was almost almost always picked last for whatever activity we were going to do. No one wanted to get near me, touch me, anything.
Figure if these are just for the early years of my life, not even getting me to age 16, and not even all of the stories how many more there are.
Now I am the mother of a young boy who may experience some of the same things I went through. White privilege is a thing and you may not see it. I just ask that you try to see things from a different perspective. I ask that you look at all of the angles. I don't have white privilege to "let me off the hook". I work hard for what I get/have and it is because of me. People try to keep me down and make me feel inferior because of my color. You most likely don't experience these things on a daily basis but if you get a chance, just stop and think what if it was you?

Hidden

So I feel trapped. I feel hidden. I mean, I can't write what I want or say what I want because someone someplace may get offended. Then if they do, instead of addressing the issue with me, they take it up with someone else. Then what happens? Well let me tell you. We then have a generalized email/message/talk about watch what is said because well it may offend someone. All over 1 word. All because 1 person and maybe more than 1 person took offense to something they saw/read/heard. The thing is they never questioned me. I am going to use me in this scenario because I am guessing that I am the issue. Here is the thing. I am a single black female. I have a black son. I have police officers as friends. I support Black Lives Matter. I'm not violent. I don't want people killed for speaking their mind. I don't want people killed for protecting (perhaps? although I was told that is not an officer's job) and serving us. I don't want people killed. I want understanding. I want us, as a whole, to talk and communicate. Have we not learned that lack of communication seems to be an issue that continues to go on and on? Communication can help. (Although in a personal case of mine it doesn't.) Here is the thing for communication to help and work: Both sides have to try and be committed to making it work.
Let's go back to my statement...I support Black Lives Matter. I am saying Black Lives Matter too. I don't have to say All Lives Matter because you as a person are seen as a whole. There was a time very recently I would have only been seen as 2/3 of a person. I can't even be seen as a whole person. Why? The color of my skin. I am black. I am beautiful. I am an ebony queen that will continue to work hard and rise up to face a new day. I overcome challenges and struggles. Black Lives Matter to me. Have you seen the news? Yes, I know the media loves to show the negatives. They continue to show police officers killing unarmed black men. They do not show police officers killing unarmed latinos or unarmed whites. Then, the media shows mentally ill black men killing police officers. Let me stop there. I used the word kill because in these cases it could come back justifiable homicide. I don't want to offend any more people by saying murder so I won't say that anyone was murdered. They all lost his or her life. Unfortunate. The mentally ill black men killed officers. Yes, they are mentally ill because you can't be all there if that is what you set out to do. Although people will have an issue that I've called them mentally ill and did not use a stronger word for what they did. They killed. Just like when it isn't a black man but a lighter pigmented man that kills people and they classify him as mentally ill. These men were mentally ill.
I support Black Lives Matter because they are not for the violence. They could easily say "An eye for an eye..."but they don't. They know violence is not the answer. They want peaceful protests. They want a voice to be heard. They want people to know that it is unfair. When police tell a man to put his hands up and he does, then why is he still shot? You don't know is not an acceptable answer. In fact, there is not one. At that moment, he is complying and you can see there are no weapons. Yes, more white people/men are killed by officers on a yearly basis than blacks but if you break down the numbers you'll see that it is not that simple. Whites are still the majority and Blacks are the minority. Let's add in Asians, Latinos, and Native Americans. Let's put all on an equal playing field. Then add up the numbers. You will see there is a discrepancy.
Now, if you want to know more about why I say Black Lives Matter then ask me. Don't assume and don't get offended. You don't know my past so you can't begin to understand why I say what I do.
Now, I agree Blue Lives Matter. I also think if someone said Red Lives Matter (firefighters' perhaps?) or Green Lives Matter (EMS providers?) I'd agree with that too. Blue Lives Matter too. It's sad that officers are being targeted. I told an officer that their job was to protect and serve which led to them telling me they are supposed to serve but not protect. If that is how officers feel then how is that supposed to make me as a citizen feel? I was taught you are supposed to serve and protect me. Police cars say that. Now, you tell me you aren't supposed to protect me? I don't condone a police officer being shot and I don't condone anyone else being shot. I think there are other ways to handle things.
Lately, the country is in turmoil and there is very little positive we see. Yea, if you see something on facebook go viral like the officers having a cookout and dancing with the citizens, then you feel good. The media didn't pick that up. The media didn't pick the story up of the man who helped the little blind lady cross the street. I don't even turn on the news because most of what I see and hear is negative. So much negativity weighs down on a person.
Let me leave you with one thing. I can only stay hidden for so long. I don't blend in because I'm not the majority. I don't have to tan for my skin to grow darker. I am me and I was born Black. It was not a choice. It was something bestowed upon me because they knew I could handle the honor of dealing with the challenges to come. This was given to me from the moment I came out of my mother's womb. Not everything else is that simple. Black Lives Matter. Stop the Hate and Celebrate.

Hollywood Image

The Image of a mother after having a baby in Hollywood is not realistic. I had a baby over 1 year ago. I lost some of the baby weight and due to stress and other issues, I gained that and more right back. A year later, I weight more than what I did when I had my son. I am not the typical woman, or the typical mother, but I am more average than the Hollywood Image.
I keep seeing a picture of Scarlett Johansson 5 weeks after having her baby  and she looks like she never had a baby or Kate Middleton when she left the hospital looking like she was only a few months pregnant if that. I see pictures of Jennifer Lopez, being 45 and having ripped abs. I see Jennifer Hudson, wearing things now as a mother, she didn't feel comfortable wearing before she lost all of this weight. People are commenting Jennifer Garner has a baby bump, because she has had 3 kids. Sure some of these women have had children years ago, but they are still shown as the Hollywood Image.
It's not realistic unless you can afford it. Most women have to work. We only get at most between 6-12 weeks off from work before we have to go back. We have to figure out who will care for our child while we are gone, cook, clean and lead the household. We don't get to workout, we don't get to pay a personal trainer or a personal chef so we can lose the weight. We also don't have pictures of our everyday life in magazines and all but that is not the real image.
Maybe it's me, because I am struggling with my weight and I am getting more and more frustrated seeing all of these women who seemed to bounce back immediately. I haven't gotten there yet but maybe one day I will. Hopefully one day sooner than later. Regardless, the Hollywood Image is not what I need to see on a daily basis. It is not motivating me to be a better me.