The Image of a mother after having a baby in Hollywood is not realistic. I had a baby over 1 year ago. I lost some of the baby weight and due to stress and other issues, I gained that and more right back. A year later, I weight more than what I did when I had my son. I am not the typical woman, or the typical mother, but I am more average than the Hollywood Image.
I keep seeing a picture of Scarlett Johansson 5 weeks after having her baby and she looks like she never had a baby or Kate Middleton when she left the hospital looking like she was only a few months pregnant if that. I see pictures of Jennifer Lopez, being 45 and having ripped abs. I see Jennifer Hudson, wearing things now as a mother, she didn't feel comfortable wearing before she lost all of this weight. People are commenting Jennifer Garner has a baby bump, because she has had 3 kids. Sure some of these women have had children years ago, but they are still shown as the Hollywood Image.
It's not realistic unless you can afford it. Most women have to work. We only get at most between 6-12 weeks off from work before we have to go back. We have to figure out who will care for our child while we are gone, cook, clean and lead the household. We don't get to workout, we don't get to pay a personal trainer or a personal chef so we can lose the weight. We also don't have pictures of our everyday life in magazines and all but that is not the real image.
Maybe it's me, because I am struggling with my weight and I am getting more and more frustrated seeing all of these women who seemed to bounce back immediately. I haven't gotten there yet but maybe one day I will. Hopefully one day sooner than later. Regardless, the Hollywood Image is not what I need to see on a daily basis. It is not motivating me to be a better me.
Friday, October 10, 2014
Friday, June 13, 2014
Growing Up
When did it all change? I remember being a little girl and everyone told me to enjoy being a child. They said enjoy living at home and not having to work, pay bills, worry about the adult things. Okay, I was perhaps less a child, and more a teenager. I was blessed and lucky (two different things but we can discuss that at another time, maybe). I remember going away to college and even while working my many on-campus jobs, there was more than one, I still didn't feel I had grown and was an adult. Over the past two years, I realized, I have grown up. I've been this height for a while, and I gained some extra pounds, more in the last year, than I had but when I say I've grown up, I mean matured. I've been very mature for a while. My parents would get compliments about how I was so mature for my age when I was younger.
I think a lot of it started when I was separated and going through my divorce. I didn't have anyone to focus on but me and it had been a long time, if ever, that I had focused on myself. I didn't have to worry about hurting someones feelings or checking to see if there were more plans than just video games so I could go out. I didn't have to answer to anyone. I started associating with some different people. We went out for drinks and dinner instead of the club as a group. We went to take drives exploring the scenery instead of me seeing the same map on the game for the weekend's activities. I went to Germany, and it was not my first time overseas, but it was my first time in Germany, being able and legal to drink. I was the second, or third depending on how you counted it, oldest person in the group. I drank so much beer and it was delicious. I could still drink all of the men under the table (some things don't change). I even had hard liquor. FYI: The beer in Germany is better than German beer in America. I never tried the German beer that can be found in America in Germany because I kept drinking beer that isn't sold here.
While I reminisce about my drinking beer, we'll continue my growth. This did help it however, because my tastes have changed. I grew to appreciate beer a lot more and at some point, wine as well. I used to be a hard liquor only female, especially in my college and just after college days. In my mid 20s, I grew an appreciation for Moscato and sweet wines. In my later 20s and now in my thirties, I appreciate all of the varieties of alcohol. I'll drink anything on a given day. I now look forward to going to breweries and wine tastings. I actually went with my parents for a wine tasting on my birthday, my idea. Now, I can't get enough.
Speaking of growing, I enjoy a different ambiance, or scene. I used to be ready to club and dance until 3 in the morning, go home and sleep until 4am and get up and go. The last time I did that, I was also going through my divorce. I had to get all of my partying out. It was fun, at the time. Now, I like to dance but have no desire to go out to a club. That became very apparent for me when I was pregnant and was the DD for my friend's 29th birthday. Krystal was my DD for my 28th (newly single, although not quite officially divorced) birthday. I owed it to her and boy did I tell her the whole night, she was lucky I had promised her the year before. I was sober and her and our friends were plastered. It was fun but the grinding and people being so close to you you couldn't move was old news to me. If I go to a club, let it be a jazz or blues club. I want a more sophisticated crowd to deal with.
I want to hear music that I could play for my family. I want something lively and meaningful. The music of hearing women called hoes and b*tches isn't music. Honestly, some of the stuff out nowadays, I don't know how it came about. I know my parents used to say that to me previously but I get it. I turn the radio on listening to the so called "music" of today. Give me Ella, Tina, James and Michael. I want the stuff before my time that didn't have to have every other word bleeped out and that didn't offend one sex.
Instead of going out listening to that, why don't I just stay home. I used to think it was an atrocity to be home and in bed by 10:00 pm on a Friday or Saturday. That was my time for just starting to get ready and going out. Now, if I'm out at a friend's house laughing, that is the best time. I enjoy game night. That may last until midnight, but it's something I appreciate more than going out and not being able to have a conversation because the music is too loud and I'm standing in a puddle of sweat and alcohol surrounded by intoxicated people the whole time. If I'm not having game night or hanging out with friends, I am comfortable just being at home relaxing. I don't always have to go out.
I don't make it out now as much as I used to. That's okay with me. I'm actually quite happy. I always wanted to be a mother but I didn't realize it would be so rewarding. I love being able to pick up my baby and hug him. In bed by 9:00 pm so he and I can sleep together, is a joy too. I am that old woman I used to joke my friends about when they wanted to be at home sleeping. Now they can joke me. There is no greater place to be. It's not just about me. I have someone else whose needs come first and will continue to come first. I've grown even more since I was informed I'd be a mother.
I hope I continue to grow. My situations can help others learn. I can teach my son things to avoid. He can see that hard work pays off. I can show him that he can do anything he puts his mind to. Hopefully I can teach him that growing up is all great but don't rush time. Don't wish to be somewhere you will be later on in life. If you do, you'll grow up and miss all the wonder and excitement of getting there.
I think a lot of it started when I was separated and going through my divorce. I didn't have anyone to focus on but me and it had been a long time, if ever, that I had focused on myself. I didn't have to worry about hurting someones feelings or checking to see if there were more plans than just video games so I could go out. I didn't have to answer to anyone. I started associating with some different people. We went out for drinks and dinner instead of the club as a group. We went to take drives exploring the scenery instead of me seeing the same map on the game for the weekend's activities. I went to Germany, and it was not my first time overseas, but it was my first time in Germany, being able and legal to drink. I was the second, or third depending on how you counted it, oldest person in the group. I drank so much beer and it was delicious. I could still drink all of the men under the table (some things don't change). I even had hard liquor. FYI: The beer in Germany is better than German beer in America. I never tried the German beer that can be found in America in Germany because I kept drinking beer that isn't sold here.
While I reminisce about my drinking beer, we'll continue my growth. This did help it however, because my tastes have changed. I grew to appreciate beer a lot more and at some point, wine as well. I used to be a hard liquor only female, especially in my college and just after college days. In my mid 20s, I grew an appreciation for Moscato and sweet wines. In my later 20s and now in my thirties, I appreciate all of the varieties of alcohol. I'll drink anything on a given day. I now look forward to going to breweries and wine tastings. I actually went with my parents for a wine tasting on my birthday, my idea. Now, I can't get enough.
Speaking of growing, I enjoy a different ambiance, or scene. I used to be ready to club and dance until 3 in the morning, go home and sleep until 4am and get up and go. The last time I did that, I was also going through my divorce. I had to get all of my partying out. It was fun, at the time. Now, I like to dance but have no desire to go out to a club. That became very apparent for me when I was pregnant and was the DD for my friend's 29th birthday. Krystal was my DD for my 28th (newly single, although not quite officially divorced) birthday. I owed it to her and boy did I tell her the whole night, she was lucky I had promised her the year before. I was sober and her and our friends were plastered. It was fun but the grinding and people being so close to you you couldn't move was old news to me. If I go to a club, let it be a jazz or blues club. I want a more sophisticated crowd to deal with.
I want to hear music that I could play for my family. I want something lively and meaningful. The music of hearing women called hoes and b*tches isn't music. Honestly, some of the stuff out nowadays, I don't know how it came about. I know my parents used to say that to me previously but I get it. I turn the radio on listening to the so called "music" of today. Give me Ella, Tina, James and Michael. I want the stuff before my time that didn't have to have every other word bleeped out and that didn't offend one sex.
Instead of going out listening to that, why don't I just stay home. I used to think it was an atrocity to be home and in bed by 10:00 pm on a Friday or Saturday. That was my time for just starting to get ready and going out. Now, if I'm out at a friend's house laughing, that is the best time. I enjoy game night. That may last until midnight, but it's something I appreciate more than going out and not being able to have a conversation because the music is too loud and I'm standing in a puddle of sweat and alcohol surrounded by intoxicated people the whole time. If I'm not having game night or hanging out with friends, I am comfortable just being at home relaxing. I don't always have to go out.
I don't make it out now as much as I used to. That's okay with me. I'm actually quite happy. I always wanted to be a mother but I didn't realize it would be so rewarding. I love being able to pick up my baby and hug him. In bed by 9:00 pm so he and I can sleep together, is a joy too. I am that old woman I used to joke my friends about when they wanted to be at home sleeping. Now they can joke me. There is no greater place to be. It's not just about me. I have someone else whose needs come first and will continue to come first. I've grown even more since I was informed I'd be a mother.
I hope I continue to grow. My situations can help others learn. I can teach my son things to avoid. He can see that hard work pays off. I can show him that he can do anything he puts his mind to. Hopefully I can teach him that growing up is all great but don't rush time. Don't wish to be somewhere you will be later on in life. If you do, you'll grow up and miss all the wonder and excitement of getting there.
Monday, June 9, 2014
New Decade - Extended Version from Facebook Post
My
20s was my time for experimenting and trying different things. I had
rough patches and tough times. I had my first real boyfriend who broke
my heart. Looking back it wasn't a relationship I should have been in
for multiple reasons but it helped me learn. I married and learned it's
okay to divorce if love isn't there and the marriage is dragging you
down. This was not a relationship I should have
been in but I learned again, this time listen when family and friends
say No to the man. I thought I found love again but I found a broken
player who puts on a good show but needs to grow himself. He did give me
my greatest love of all, Andre, my son.
I know it has been a while since I have written or said anything. So much has happened and at the time I should have been here, I strayed away. At the time I should have been praying, I lost my way and stopped. I will always find my way back to GOD, it may just take a longer time at some points. I am glad that I am into a new decade.
I lost my self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem somewhere in my 20s. I didn't notice it, until people started to see it and ask me what happened? I think it started in college when I realized I was good with my hands but no matter how much I studied, I wasn't understanding certain concepts. Unfortunately for me, those were the concepts I needed to pass the classes. I didn't do too well and switched majors. I love the major I went to, but looking back, I wish I had done more. I wish I had double majored when I switched and went on to Grad school. I wish I had taken a language. I wish that I had chosen a college close to home. Of course, then, my path would have changed completely. Maybe that is when I started to lose everything all about my self. Maybe when I lost my job and just couldn't believe I was unemployed. Maybe when I felt I had a man but kept finding boys. I don't know when it happened but I know I'm gaining it all back.
I need to gain it all back because I have a son to raise. I need him to see how strong and tough his mother is. I need him to know that he is going to make it through life, and I'll always be by his side. I want him to know that he isn't going to have to depend on anyone but himself - He can do anything he puts his mind to and wants to do. My son is going to know the person I used to be - the person who had self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem. He is going to see the woman who knows she is worth it and won't settle for less. If I don't show him that, who will? He needs to learn to respect females, value them and never put them down and know that a female is a blessing. He will be taught to never be rude to a female and no matter what situation he gets into, he should never disrespect a female or call her out of her name. I am ready to teach him all that I have taken for granted and all that I had lost in myself.
I'm happy to be 30. This is a new decade and a new chapter in my life. I'll listen to my family a little more - we may still argue but that's family, embrace my flaws with wider arms and I'll be okay if I fail....only a little. (I am a born winner after all.) I am excited to be 30 and I'm excited for the next 10 years and what it will bring. (Winning the lottery wouldn't hurt one bit!) Cheers to 30, growing and learning more. Glad to be moving on in life. :)
I know it has been a while since I have written or said anything. So much has happened and at the time I should have been here, I strayed away. At the time I should have been praying, I lost my way and stopped. I will always find my way back to GOD, it may just take a longer time at some points. I am glad that I am into a new decade.
I lost my self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem somewhere in my 20s. I didn't notice it, until people started to see it and ask me what happened? I think it started in college when I realized I was good with my hands but no matter how much I studied, I wasn't understanding certain concepts. Unfortunately for me, those were the concepts I needed to pass the classes. I didn't do too well and switched majors. I love the major I went to, but looking back, I wish I had done more. I wish I had double majored when I switched and went on to Grad school. I wish I had taken a language. I wish that I had chosen a college close to home. Of course, then, my path would have changed completely. Maybe that is when I started to lose everything all about my self. Maybe when I lost my job and just couldn't believe I was unemployed. Maybe when I felt I had a man but kept finding boys. I don't know when it happened but I know I'm gaining it all back.
I need to gain it all back because I have a son to raise. I need him to see how strong and tough his mother is. I need him to know that he is going to make it through life, and I'll always be by his side. I want him to know that he isn't going to have to depend on anyone but himself - He can do anything he puts his mind to and wants to do. My son is going to know the person I used to be - the person who had self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem. He is going to see the woman who knows she is worth it and won't settle for less. If I don't show him that, who will? He needs to learn to respect females, value them and never put them down and know that a female is a blessing. He will be taught to never be rude to a female and no matter what situation he gets into, he should never disrespect a female or call her out of her name. I am ready to teach him all that I have taken for granted and all that I had lost in myself.
I'm happy to be 30. This is a new decade and a new chapter in my life. I'll listen to my family a little more - we may still argue but that's family, embrace my flaws with wider arms and I'll be okay if I fail....only a little. (I am a born winner after all.) I am excited to be 30 and I'm excited for the next 10 years and what it will bring. (Winning the lottery wouldn't hurt one bit!) Cheers to 30, growing and learning more. Glad to be moving on in life. :)
Sunday, August 19, 2012
New vs. Old - New wins! For this 1 friend at least
I just have to say that I love life. I had a great weekend, one of the best I've had in a while. I hung out with old friends and new ones. I did not have to work or run rescue which made it even better for me. I had a whole weekend to myself and I enjoyed it. I also met someone who knows my worth. I can tell he is going to be a great friend to have and I'm excited. The one thing about my friends is they know that I am going to keep it real. I don't sugarcoat and I'm honest. If you like me great, if you don't oh well. I'm not going to cry tears over you. This new friend, could tell in less than 24 hours that I am worth it, I won't hold back and I will call his bullshit. I do and I did. He didn't mumble under his breath or make little underhanded comments. It was nice to be out with people who made me feel good about myself. Great friends do that. No friend should make me not feel good about myself. I guess, I should rephrase. It was great to be with people who didn't make me feel unsure or like they were talking about me or thinking evil things. All of my friends should do that and if they aren't then they are not really my friends. Guess it makes me ask the same thing everyone else in my life has asked me, why are you friends with him? Well, let me say, most likely not for long. I have new friends, better friends, who know that I am worth a lot more than some like to give me credit for and I can tell we will be in each others' lives for a while.
Here is to the weekends of the summer that were great, enjoyable and make me smile when Monday morning rolls around and I don't want to see it. I'm so excited for the time I get to spend with the new people, I don't know what to do. Too bad I'm missing them this weekend coming up, but soon we will be back together hanging out again. I can just tell. :)
Here is to the weekends of the summer that were great, enjoyable and make me smile when Monday morning rolls around and I don't want to see it. I'm so excited for the time I get to spend with the new people, I don't know what to do. Too bad I'm missing them this weekend coming up, but soon we will be back together hanging out again. I can just tell. :)
Thursday, August 16, 2012
A reason...
You know those people who come into your life just when you need them and you wonder what you would have done if you never met them? I have a friend like that. Came into my life as Kevin and I were getting worst and worst and growing apart day by day. He was like a knight in shining armor. He saved me from an unhappy miserable marriage. We hung out, went to dinner a few times, a comedy club, ice skating, only as friends. He respected what I was going through and that although I was unhappy, I was still married. He dealt with Kevin calling and texting him. He dealt with Kevin blaming him for our divorce. He dealt with all the drama I told him about and all the drama Kevin included him in. He was a great gentleman and a great friend for me at that time.
Now, don't get me wrong, we currently still talk. Our friendship has changed from the good ole days of when I first met him. We don't hang out AT ALL! No more dinner and just being stupid and care free together. I guess he can't really handle all of that in his life like he used to. We don't text as much. I'm still there for him and he is there for me to an extent. It seems our friendship was stronger. I went away to Germany and came back and it hasn't been the same since. I'm not sure we will ever go back to the days of just being us and hanging out. I guess it was one of those he was there at the time I needed him and I was there at the time he needed me. A reason friendship. But no matter what, GOD knew I needed him and he put him in my life. Now we'll see how much work he'll put in to stay in my life. I've put in work but will he? Only time will tell.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
A little of everything
It was so much easier to keep up with my blog when I was unemployed. Now I am constantly working, going to meetings, volunteering and going out sometimes with friends.
My personal life has not been all sunshine and happy. I'm going through some difficult times and let me tell you, my friends are the best. They sit and listen to me moan and vent and some offer advice, some just let me be. Some tell me to shut up so I just don't talk to them for a few days or weeks. Haha.
I am excited that it is March and that means March Madness. I love my college basketball and have it on as I am typing away to you.
I see my friends having babies and I hope that is me one day. I always thought that I'd be planning on that in my late 20s but now I see it will be my early 30s. I love kids but I know what I want and need to bring a baby into this world. I would like to say Congratulations to all of my friends that do have a baby and I hope you and your families are doing well.
Back to me. I still love volunteering and I am loving my job. I do not enjoy working with all of the women I do and I have nicknamed three of them the Mean Girls. Why? Because they act like they are in middle school and are mean. They start so much drama it is not even funny. But I love my job. I don't know if they think I'm going to run because they mention all the time how they can't keep anyone in the position. Little do they know, I've been dealing with petty people like them my whole life and probably will until I die. They won't affect me anymore than the others and I will conquer and survive them. It's funny too because they start drama with people and then talk about each other behind their backs. Some friends.
I am excited that I will be going to Germany in May. Not my first time overseas but my first time in Germany. I am praying hard that I have a safe trip, especially since ya'll know I hate flying. I was hoping that I'd be going on this trip with the person who encouraged me to apply. I'm not but I'll be sure to bring back an awesome gift.
I'm making a goal again to lose weight and eat better. I've really been working out and although I've noticed a slight loss of weight, I'm hoping it turns into more because I made a bet that I plan on winning. I don't know what exactly will be bet but we will see.
I've really been expanding my friendships and one of my newer ones is really quite a surprise. We have a lot in common, not so much at the same time and I like to think we make each other better. It's a time in each of our lives where we need each other but I hope that we stay in each other's lives for a lifetime and not a reason or a season.
I have an adorable niece who I love and I wish I lived closer to her. I'm sure for as little as I get to see her, she knows that I love her. Once again, I can't wait for my own but that will be in a few more years.
I know I've been all over the place with this post but it was just a few things I had to get off of my chest. I hope I'll be back to writing more than what I have over the past few months. Here is to an amazing 2012 with lots of challenges and obstacles but I am a survivor and I'll overcome.
xoxo
My personal life has not been all sunshine and happy. I'm going through some difficult times and let me tell you, my friends are the best. They sit and listen to me moan and vent and some offer advice, some just let me be. Some tell me to shut up so I just don't talk to them for a few days or weeks. Haha.
I am excited that it is March and that means March Madness. I love my college basketball and have it on as I am typing away to you.
I see my friends having babies and I hope that is me one day. I always thought that I'd be planning on that in my late 20s but now I see it will be my early 30s. I love kids but I know what I want and need to bring a baby into this world. I would like to say Congratulations to all of my friends that do have a baby and I hope you and your families are doing well.
Back to me. I still love volunteering and I am loving my job. I do not enjoy working with all of the women I do and I have nicknamed three of them the Mean Girls. Why? Because they act like they are in middle school and are mean. They start so much drama it is not even funny. But I love my job. I don't know if they think I'm going to run because they mention all the time how they can't keep anyone in the position. Little do they know, I've been dealing with petty people like them my whole life and probably will until I die. They won't affect me anymore than the others and I will conquer and survive them. It's funny too because they start drama with people and then talk about each other behind their backs. Some friends.
I am excited that I will be going to Germany in May. Not my first time overseas but my first time in Germany. I am praying hard that I have a safe trip, especially since ya'll know I hate flying. I was hoping that I'd be going on this trip with the person who encouraged me to apply. I'm not but I'll be sure to bring back an awesome gift.
I'm making a goal again to lose weight and eat better. I've really been working out and although I've noticed a slight loss of weight, I'm hoping it turns into more because I made a bet that I plan on winning. I don't know what exactly will be bet but we will see.
I've really been expanding my friendships and one of my newer ones is really quite a surprise. We have a lot in common, not so much at the same time and I like to think we make each other better. It's a time in each of our lives where we need each other but I hope that we stay in each other's lives for a lifetime and not a reason or a season.
I have an adorable niece who I love and I wish I lived closer to her. I'm sure for as little as I get to see her, she knows that I love her. Once again, I can't wait for my own but that will be in a few more years.
I know I've been all over the place with this post but it was just a few things I had to get off of my chest. I hope I'll be back to writing more than what I have over the past few months. Here is to an amazing 2012 with lots of challenges and obstacles but I am a survivor and I'll overcome.
xoxo
Monday, January 16, 2012
Well, since my last post first let's say Happy New Year! I hope everyone enjoyed all of their holidays. Today is MLK Day. What did you do to celebrate?
I am now released as an EMT-B in Virginia Beach. I love running duties and I have a great partner who I love running with. Life is so much simpler when we go to calls because we don't have to necessarily talk to one another to get all of the information from the patient and we each do something that together adds up as a whole.
I wish I knew everyone that looked at this. Some people I don't mind sharing the information with but others I do.
The end of last year, beginning of this year has been something. Let's just say I am being optimistic and this is my adventure year. Everything is an adventure, including my phone jumping in the toilet on the second day of the year! Haha only me. But let me tell you, the rice did work. It took a nap for 2 days and is back up and running now.
I wanted to stop in and say hi. I need to not be so forgetful and I need to really keep up in my writing. I know I will need it this year. All I ask, is that you read this, support me, pray for me and enjoy. This year will talk even more about my trials and tribulations and you may see me struggle with me faith. I try not to, but some days are better than others. I will persevere and make it through and so will you. Together we are going to make it.
Cheers to 2012 and here is to making it better than last year. Enjoy your adventures because I am hoping you get to enjoy mine and learn something new!
I am now released as an EMT-B in Virginia Beach. I love running duties and I have a great partner who I love running with. Life is so much simpler when we go to calls because we don't have to necessarily talk to one another to get all of the information from the patient and we each do something that together adds up as a whole.
I wish I knew everyone that looked at this. Some people I don't mind sharing the information with but others I do.
The end of last year, beginning of this year has been something. Let's just say I am being optimistic and this is my adventure year. Everything is an adventure, including my phone jumping in the toilet on the second day of the year! Haha only me. But let me tell you, the rice did work. It took a nap for 2 days and is back up and running now.
I wanted to stop in and say hi. I need to not be so forgetful and I need to really keep up in my writing. I know I will need it this year. All I ask, is that you read this, support me, pray for me and enjoy. This year will talk even more about my trials and tribulations and you may see me struggle with me faith. I try not to, but some days are better than others. I will persevere and make it through and so will you. Together we are going to make it.
Cheers to 2012 and here is to making it better than last year. Enjoy your adventures because I am hoping you get to enjoy mine and learn something new!
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